Not So Remote: One sketch started with explorers and a native guide trekking through close-set trees and underbrush in Darkest Africa.Some of it in nice piles, others in lovely clanky bits of loose change, (starting to get excited) some of it neatly counted into fat little hundreds, delicate fivers stuffed into bulging wallets, nice crisp clean cheques, pert pieces of copper coinage thrust deep into trouser pockets, romantic foreign money rolling against the thigh with rough familiarity, beautiful wayward curlicued banknotes, filigree copperplating cheek by jowl with tumbling hexagonal milled edges, rubbing gently against the terse leather of beautifully balanced bank books.

Tonight on 'The Money Programme', we're going to look at money. 'Do you have any qualifications?' 'Yes, I've got a hat.Good evening and welcome to 'The Money Programme'. As soon as they get their hands on their money they blow it all on milk, bread, tea.' 'We have a lot of trouble with these oldies. 'Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!' 'A viewer from Preston there who's pointed out correctly that the entire panel are loonies. 'You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards! Look what you've done to him!' 'We were of course the first Townswomen's Guild to perform 'Camp On Blood Island', and last year we did our extremely popular re-enactment of Nazi war atrocities.' 'I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspendies and a bra! I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papa!' 'If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off.' There's nothing Dinsdale wouldn't do for you.' 'I mean, he didn't want to nail my head to the floor. It's the old stockbroker syndrome, the suburban fin de siecle ennui, angst, weltschmertz, call it what you will.' 'This is for 15 pounds, and is to stop us revealing the name of your lover in Bolton.' 'Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear.' 'Know what I mean, know what I mean, say no more.' 'It's not particularly silly, is it? I mean, the right leg isn't silly at all and the left leg merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step.' 'My theory that I have, that is to say, which is mine, is mine.' This is Stalingrad, you want the Ilscombe and Barnstaple section.'

'I'm sorry, I can't say the letter B.' 'C?' 'That's right.' 'BURMA!' 'Why'd you say Burma then?' 'I panicked.' 'Whoops, don't look now, girls! The major's just minced in with that dolly colour sergeant.' 'And Oliver has run himself over! What a great twit!' 'Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I have a pet halibut?' A problem people who are fast disappearing off the face of the earth.' 'Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous toffee-nosed malodorous pervert!' Oh, I say, we are grand, aren't we? 'Oh, oh, no more buttered scones for me, mater. and, well, just out of curiosity, I tried a bit, and that was that.' 'And then some of the fellows there started handing cheese around. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out.' Lambert of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Oswestly, has presented us with a poser.

Monty python gorn